UNCLOTHED

                     

I wanted to heal, I wanted to heal so, so badly.

           So I started from my head, scrubbed out hands that touched it and promised to be there till the end, vain babblings spoken upon it.

         Then I moved down to my face, brushed off every finger and palm print that had held my face either to profess feigned love or kiss me on my forehead, offering me a ride on their temporary affection boat but letting me paddle, and leaving me all alone eventually till my hands got sore.

               Opening up my eyes delicately, I placed drops of healing solution into them hoping to dissolve every hate it had encountered, every look that held a bright sign of "you are and will never be enough", every shrug and head nods that boldly spelled out Disapproval.

               I washed my hands, made sure to rid off the ones who gently held them and shouted almost too loudly, let's walk through life together, shall we? Not up to ten steps later they veered off onto another path, after they'd drained me.

             I stripped my body of every clothing which I intended to burn, blouses that were to keep warm but had holes created in them from false hope and became worn at the seams from giving and giving all of me and getting little to nothing in return. Skirts long enough to protect me from derogatory  remarks but all I was to many men was my body still, oh my god you look hot they say, slay mama they'd comment; but what of the depth of the sea my mind holds, I'd whisper?

            My heart, my dear large but tender heart; I'm dusting away every affection and plea for love you opted to entertain, the ones that left you worse off than you met it, that kept me awake at night trembling at the fear of being once again without this socially praised institution called relationship. For falling too fast and often not being caught; wishing away this heart that loved even when it wasn't required. 

         So today, I'm reclaiming my mind and ridding it of societal conducts; I'm embracing my heart, teaching it to love regardless but this time with purpose and I choose repeatedly to say I'm not my body but the soul that lies there in.